What is The Difference Between “Can’t” and “Won’t”

On the surface, “can’t” and “won’t” may seem interchangeable. But understanding the nuanced differences between these words is essential for honest and productive communication.

“Can’t” expresses an inability or lack of capability to do something. It implies that the action is impossible or extremely difficult. “Won’t” expresses an unwillingness or refusal to do something. It implies that the action is possible but deliberately not being taken.

Although both words imply an action won’t happen, the root reasons behind this are completely different. “Can’t” shifts causality to external forces outside one’s control, while “won’t” keeps the causality and responsibility on oneself.

In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore:

1. The meanings behind “can’t” and “won’t”
2. How “can’t” and “won’t” mindsets differ
3. Tips for telling “can’t” and “won’t” apart in conversation
4. Why people use one versus the other
5. What to do when you suspect “can’t” means “won’t”
6. How to respond appropriately to each term

The Meanings Behind “Can’t” and “Won’t”

Let’s break down the core meanings behind each word:

“Can’t” conveys:

1. An inability or lack of capability
2. The action feels impossible or extremely difficult
3. External or internal barriers prevent action
4. Lack of power, resources, skills, or opportunity

“Won’t” conveys:

1. An unwillingness or refusal
2. The action is possible but deliberately avoided
3. The choice not to act is conscious and intentional
4. Motivated by lack of desire or motivation

In short:

1. “Can’t” suggests intrinsic, permanent barriers outside one’s control
2. “Won’t” suggests extrinsic, changeable barriers related to personal choice

How “Can’t” and “Won’t” Mindsets Differ

The words we use to describe our relationship with actions have powerful effects on our mindsets. Let’s explore how “can’t” and “won’t” mindsets differ:

The “Can’t” Mindset

Using “can’t” language puts us in a disempowered mindset. We tell ourselves that circumstances or inadequacies prevent us from doing something. This frames barriers as insurmountable and cultivates resignation, helplessness, and pessimism.

Common thoughts in the “can’t” mindset:

1. “I’m just not good enough to do this.”
2. “There’s no way I can succeed with the obstacles in my way.”
3. “I don’t have what it takes to make this happen.”

In the “can’t” mindset, we absolve responsibility and give up agency. We decide things are impossible before even trying.

The “Won’t” Mindset

Using “won’t”, on the other hand, puts us in an empowered mindset. We acknowledge that we have the capability to do something, but are consciously deciding not to. This frames the choice as ours to make.

Common thoughts in the “won’t” mindset:

1. “I could do this if I wanted to, but I don’t want to right now.”
2. “I’m choosing to prioritize something else.”
3. “I have the capability, but I’m deciding not to for my own reasons.”

In the “won’t” mindset, we take ownership of our actions and choices. We recognize our personal power to make decisions. This mindset is profoundly liberating.

Read: Difference between no and know

Tips for Telling “Can’t” and “Won’t” Apart

In conversation, “can’t” and “won’t” can be easily confused or muddled. Here are some tips for deciphering which word your conversation partner really means:

Ask follow-up questions to understand if they truly can’t do something or simply choose not to:

1. “What exactly is preventing you from doing this?” (Listen for intrinsic barriers)
2. “How open are you to trying this if circumstances changed?” (Gauge unwillingness)
3. “How much control do you have over this situation?” (Assess their agency)

Listen for qualifying language that reveals true feelings:

1. “I really can’t” = genuine can’t
2. “I honestly can’t” = authentic can’t
3. “I probably won’t” = willful won’t
4. “I simply won’t” = defiant won’t

Consider past behavior. Someone who consistently makes excuses likely means “won’t” when they say “can’t.”

Pay attention to nonverbal cues. Body language often conveys hidden meanings.

With practice, you’ll learn to quickly discern when “can’t” and “won’t” are being used interchangeably and when their differences really matter.

Why People Use “Can’t” vs “Won’t”

There are a few key reasons someone might choose “can’t” or “won’t” to express reluctance:

They say “can’t” when:

1. They lack confidence in their abilities
2. There are external barriers out of their control
3. They want to avoid embarrassment or shame
4. The true reasons are personal/sensitive
5. They hope to elicit help or sympathy from others

They say “won’t” when:

1. They feel empowered to make a choice
2. There are no major external barriers
3. They want to assert a personal preference
4. The reasons relate to values/priorities
5. They do not feel shame about saying no

In summary:

1. “Can’t” = insecure, helpless, looking for support
2. “Won’t” = confident, asserting boundaries, sense of control

People often default to “can’t” because it feels safer than “won’t,” even when the latter is more accurate.

Read: Difference Between Like and Crush

What To Do When “Can’t” Really Means “Won’t”

Sometimes people disguise an unwillingness to do something with “I can’t” to avoid conflict or accountability. How should you respond?

1. Don’t immediately accuse them of lying. Assume good intentions.
2. Ask gentle yet probing questions to understand their objections.
3. Offer to remove potential barriers. “If time is the problem, let me take this off your plate.”
4. Suggest alternatives that respect their needs.
5. Use “I” statements to share your perspective. “I feel concerned when you say you can’t help with this project.”
6. Affirm that “won’t” is okay. “You’re allowed to make your own choices here.”

With patience and compassion, you can uncover the truth without putting them on the defensive.

How to Respond to “Can’t” vs “Won’t”

Once you’ve uncovered the true meaning, here are some tips for responding appropriately:

If it’s a genuine “can’t”:

1. Express empathy and understanding
2. Ask how you can help remove obstacles
3. Offer resources, training, or guidance
4. Collaborate to find alternatives
5. Don’t judge or lose patience

If it’s an unwilling “won’t”:

1. Respect their choice and don’t coerce
2. Clarify their reasons and preferences
3. Establish boundaries if needed
4. Offer compromises and flexibility
5. Focus on positive problem-solving

Regardless, demonstrate compassion. With the right support, “can’t” can sometimes become “can” and “won’t” can sometimes become “will.”

Read: Difference Between luck and chance

Key Takeaways

1. “Can’t” expresses inability, “won’t” expresses unwillingness. Both imply an action won’t happen.
2. “Can’t” suggests intrinsic, permanent barriers. “Won’t” suggests extrinsic, changeable barriers.
3. “Can’t” disempowers, “won’t” empowers.
4. Ask probing questions to discern “can’t” vs “won’t.” Listen for qualifying language.
5. People use “can’t” to avoid responsibility or seek help. They use “won’t” to assert boundaries.
6. Respond to “can’t” with compassion and “won’t” with respect. Offer help for the former, flexibility for the latter.

The ability to discern “can’t” from “won’t” will serve you well in work, relationships and life. When someone claims they “can’t” do something, take a thoughtful pause. Are they really signaling “I won’t”? Seek to understand their perspective before responding appropriately and supportively.

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